I Stay At Home

Sometimes, as a "stay at home Mom" I really question my sense of self.  I have been thinking about my life over the past few days.  Who am I?  What makes me "me"?  There is the "social" side.  I envision prestige and admiration, or being able to afford a babysitter more often than once a month.  There is the "career" side.  I see myself wanting to be more professional, getting my master's, maybe nurse practitioner some day.  There is the, do I dare say it, "athletic" side.  I dream that I am an elite runner (don't worry, I learned long ago that just because I have a dream it does not make it a reality).  ;)  I feel like I would feel better about myself if these things were true of me now or in the case of the latter goal, ever!  I stay home with my children.  There is really nothing glamorous or envious about it.  I often feel like I am giving up the few "smarts" left in my mind for runny noses and those days of what seems like endless whining.  I can't help but have those days, when I want to pull out my hair and scream.  Every parent does.  Today was one of those days.  Uggg...  Horrible run this morning, which basically destroyed plan B of my dream world. Ha!  My allergies are kicking my gluteus maximus something fierce.  Dang Ragweed!  My face is breaking out, my hair is not cute, I did not have time to shave my legs.  I did shower and brush my teeth!  :)  While eating lunch, I bit my lip in the same place for the 3rd time this week!  I cried. I am barely maintaining my self control with Joey needing me to hold him all the time, and Annabelle wanting to play stuffed animals every spare moment.  Nap?  No way.  It's one of those days.  The kind that make you question your choices in life.

I read an interview earlier today, by feminist, Linda Hirshman, who emphatically opposes "stay at home moms".  To summarize, she states that it is morally wrong for the advancement of women in society to give up careers in favor of staying home with their children.  She called women who see "staying at home" a calling or career as delusional:

"I said that just because you choose to stay at home doesn't make it right, and that you have to examine the decision for its worthiness up against some kind of standard other than what St. Paul told the Ephesians. And if you're going to put it up against the standards that don't involve talking to God, if you're going to evaluate it according the standards for human behavior, that it's going to be found lacking." 

"All of these women who are making a career—they call themselves Chief Household Officers, of all things—out of running a 3,000-square-foot house with two small children in it, were extremely agitated when I did not treat it as the same as inventing a cure for cancer."

Hmmm... interesting view point.  I am truly devastated to realilze, that wiping my child's bum does not measure up to inventing cancer cures!  But wait, breast feeding does decrease the risk of breast cancer significantly!  Does that count?  If only men would jump on the bandwagon of parenting!  This might be a problem if they intend to breastfeed.  Breast if best, unless you are are feminist.  I am not dissing anyone who is not breastfeeding.  I just think it is ridiculous to state that men and women should be involved exactly the same as each other in the nurture of their children.  When men start carrying their children in utero (oh wait, they don't have a uterus), then I will give some sound consideration to her line of thinking.  

Seriously, though, I do understand a little of what she is saying.  Keep up with your career, if you can, especially if you plan to return.  

But back to me now.  I was thinking about her article all afternoon.  Truly, I am open and objective.  But this is what I really dislike about it.  The goal is self.  Self advancement.  Self promotion.  There is no mention of family.  Yup, I am on the "right" as she would see me.  As I have been thinking about my identity, I realize that it is NOT being a wife, or a mother, or staying at home.  It is NOT being a nurse, or being an elite athlete.  My identity is in Christ!  And in Christ, whether male or female, we are called to a life of self sacrifice, dying to self.  As a family, we are called TOGETHER to glorify God and love each other.  The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ died for the church!  My husband sacrifices for us every day.  I see this in him.  I want to be more like that.  

I stay at home with my children, because I truly believe no one else will be as invested in them as I am.  I have bad days!  But, I had horrible days when I worked full time, too.  Happens in the best of jobs.  The hubs and I share the load, and if you think he is a stereotypical uninvolved male, that is the furthest thing from the truth.  He obviously did not carry them in the womb or breastfed them, but he is the heart of our family that I am glad to keep it healthy.  The goal for us is a family that glorifies Christ, not career, or even super smart kids.  I am placing my career on hold right now, maybe forever.  Shhhhh... don't tell Miss Linda.  Family is our goal.  I have that in my heart, and I am not ashamed of it.