Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Over the last few weeks, I have felt a battle between giving and taking. Motherhood is all about giving, and, well, let's face it, our human nature is all about taking. I have never realized this more until recently. I must admit, that I have had my share of frustrating moments since parenthood has begun. It usually hits me most at 10:30 at night. It's this overwhelming feeling, that I will never again have a full night's rest or be able to come and go as I please, that my home will always be baby land, and what about those great date nights with my hubby? I feel so horrible for feeling this way, that I don't even like to speak of it. I mean, I love my little sweetie. When I begin to feel overwhelmed, I am reminded once again that life is NOT all about me. Hmmm... the Holy Spirit even works in the middle of the night. But the real revelation came to me today!

Lately, I have found it to be a challenge to spend any quiet time with God. I have felt ashamed about this. He seems so far and unattainable to my selfish ways, and I unknowingly cast aside that uneasy feeling of guilt by hiding my face from Him. So, today I made a choice to get some time reading the word. A verse JUMPED out to me, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Heb 15, 16. This really struck me for a few reasons. First, I have always assumed that even though God came to us in the form of Jesus, and died for us, that it wasn't hard for Him to do so, because He was God. And, since doing the smallest right thing seems like such a challenge for me, how can I relate to Him? But according to this verse, he sympathizes with our weaknesses, because He was tempted in EVERY way. Tempted just like I am. And when He had to do the right thing, it wasn't always easy, but He DID the right thing. He understands our weaknesses! I never understood fully the challenge of being a mother until I became one. He became human and therefore understands, has compassion, and sympathizes with us! Second, I don't have to have any more shame about struggling to do the right thing. Jesus, who understands us, extends mercy (not getting what I do deserve) and grace (getting what I don't deserve) in our time of need - which is when we desire to what is right and live lives that are Holy.

God desires for us to live a lives that are pleasing to Him. Christ's sacrifice does not warrant me to do whatever I want. But, He lives, so that I can live! He intercedes for me, because He understands me! He paid for my sins, so I can choose to do what is right, even though I fail at times. I know that I can keep coming back to Him again and again for mercy and grace without shame but in confidence. I cannot be a perfect mother to Annabelle, but through Christ, I can love her like He loves her and learn to sacrifice myself for another person. That is what Jesus did for us, and it is what I want to learn more and more about.

So, my little Annabelle, I am so glad we named your middle name GRACE! We cannot live without it. What a wonderful Creator we have! He is my Father and your Father. I am not perfect, but Jesus chose me to love you and give myself for you! What a privilege!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Grandma and Grandpa Homan

Annabelle is almost 3.5 weeks! Time flies, but I feel like she has been here much longer than a month's time. It seems like forever ago that I was pregnant. I can't even remember the discomforts. It's so strange. Wow, adjusting to Mommyhood is so different from anything I could have imagined. I am loving my little girl, but I've always heard being a Mother is hard work and a full time job, and so it is! I now go to sleep realizing that I will be up several times that night. Sleep is not for night time anymore, but whenever I can squeeze in a few winks. I am truly a food machine! I must be there for little Annabelle, as I am her CONSTANT nutrition source. AND, diapers, diapers, diapers! Blow out after blowout! We are trying to teach this little lady manners, but she refuses to listen.

But in all of this, I look at her and think how fast time goes by, and to savor these irreplaceable moments with her. They will be gone all too soon. She really is my little peanut! So far, she is a Momma's girl, but Daddy gets good time in with his little one. I assure him that in a year or so, it will be "DADDY" time all the time!

Annabelle is much more alert and awake much more now during the day. She seems bigger to me already from last week. Too bad we don't have a good scale to keep track of her weight. But the girl eats well, so I know she is gaining. She had a GREAT time with Grandma and Grandpa Homan. She especially loves her Grandma! So sweet! We went to Estes park this week, to Thai house, the mall and to church. Wow, she is really getting to know the Denver area. AND, Annabelle is a little social butterfly. She makes friends in her sleep! After church, we stood in the foyer area and people I had never met were coming up to us to meet little Annabelle. But what can I say, she really is ADORABLE.

Grandpa and Grandma Homan

Special time with Grandma

Snuggle time

I LOVE this face Annabelle!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

2 weeks!

Annabelle is doing great! We had her 2 week well baby exam yesterday, and she is growing! This made Mommy and Daddy very happy! Her current weight is 6.5lbs! She also grew half an inch. Breastfeeding is getting easier, but still painful at times. So, I was glad to hear that it is working for our little peanut! She is eating about every 3 hours. I wake her up during the day to eat, but over night I let her sleep as long as she can. Once she slept 4 hours! Usually though, she wakes herself up to eat at night, and I wake her up during the day! Hmmm... I think we have our days and nights mixed up! She is going through a growth spurt, and cluster fed two nights in a row on the hour! I was exhausted by the second morning. But our pediatrician assured us that this is normal! I'm also learning to let her cry herself to sleep if need be. This can be hard, as I feel like I'm being a terrible mother. But, she just doesn't like to go down for her naps! So, it is my last resort after feeding her, changing her, swaddling her, and cuddling her. She usually falls asleep after 5 minutes.

Aside from sleep deprivation, I'm feeling really good! I'm so ready to get out and run again. I've been going on walks for now. The weather outside has been great, and Annabelle has even been able to go for a few walks with Mommy in her stroller. It's been in the 50s and sunny, so it feels even warmer than that! Michael's parents have been in town this week, so we have been able to spend some good time with Grandma and Grandpa Homan. Boy, do they sure love Annabelle! She is going to be spoiled for sure!

It's ME and my Grandpa Homan!

Look how tall I'm getting!

Can you resist all this cuteness???

Favorite "Past Time"

Friday, January 8, 2010

Welcome Annabell Grace Homan

I am pleased to announce the birth of our daughter, Annabelle Grace Homan, born December 27th, 2009 at 11:13pm, weighing 5lbs 15oz, and 19.5 inches long. She is absolutely as sweet as pie. For a little thing, she is super strong! She holds her head up and looks all around her. She has a full head of hair, and the cutest darn face you ever did see.

We are home now, and doing pretty well. I am breastfeeding and that is going fairly well. At first Annabelle's weight dropped lower than they wanted. It was thought that she dropped all the way down to 5lbs 1oz. However, the scale at the doctor's office had a low battery and would not zero out correctly. I think it was off. We met with the lactation consultant that same day in hopes that I was breastfeeding her correctly, and that she was getting a full meal when she fed. Their scale read 5.5 for her weight, and she had gained the correct amount of weight after her feeding. So I felt relieved. Our last appt on Tuesday revealed her weight of 6lbs! Way to go Annabelle! The girl likes to eat. She kept Mommy up most of the night last night. Daddy tried to intervine, but this time she wanted her Mommy. So, needless to say, I am pretty sleepy. I hope this blog makes sense.

Labor Story!

So on Saturday the 26th, Michael and I went to the gym to work out. I jogged about 4 miles. We decided to go to the Saturday night service at church instead of the Sunday service. I'm glad we did! I remember feeling lots of pelvic pressure and lots of braxton Hicks contractions. No biggie though, cuz I had had these for the past 3 weeks! I was trying not to get my hopes up. Michael and I went out to dinner after church and then home. A little before midnight, after we had gone to bed, I noticed these Braxton Hicks were about 5 minutes apart and getting a little stronger. I laid in bed for an hour and watched the clock. This went on for an hour before Michael woke up. I told him that the contractions were getting stronger. We broke out the stop watch, and I breathed my way through each contraction. After 2 hours of contractions, we called our midwife. She said we could come in or stay home until the contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart and stronger. We opted to stay home. About 2 hours later, I had had my bloody show, and it seemed like my water had ruptured, as I kept leaking after going to the bathroom. The contractions were stronger and 2-4 minutes apart. We decided to head to the hospital. After being checked in, the contractions were a little more irregular and I was only dilated to 1-2cm. Still 80% effaced. I was discouraged. But, they wanted to keep me, because they tested me to see if I was in fact leaking amniotic fluid. I was, so we were told that we would be staying. This was all around 5:30am. We began walking the halls, timing contractions. They were getting stronger and stronger, and I had to stop walking between them and breathe. I noticed pain in my lower back. This area hurt the most. Our midwife was wonderful. She encouraged our walking and trying different labor positions. Our nurse, wanted us on the monitor. They were butting heads, but of course our midwife got the last word and we were able to move around. By 10:30, the contractions were so strong and painful that I wanted to lay down on my side. I was only dilated to a 2-3. So frustrating. My back was really hurting. At noon the contractions were even more painful, but I was not progressing at all. We decided to go ahead and break my bag of waters fully in hopes that our little peanut would progress faster. My contractions were almost unbearable. At certain points they were 1 minute apart and 1 minute long. Because I was having back labor, I didn't really get the relief in between contractions. I was trying my best to breathe through them, but they would come on so fast, that I couldn't keep up with them. Michael was wonderful. We tried everything to get the pressure off of my back. I tried the birth ball, sitting on the toilet, all fours, numerous positions in bed and walking. Nothing worked. During one contraction, Michael, who had been placing pressure on my lower back for relief, heard his own back pop. That's right, he threw his back out and was in horrible pain. Around 5pm our midwife checked me again, and I was only dilated 4-5cm. Baby would not drop down, because she was posterior. At this point, I couldn't take the pain anymore. I couldn't relax or breathe through anything. I hadn't slept in 36 hours, and Michael was in pain as well. I was moaning, and grunting and loud I'm sure, trying to get the pain out of my body. I finally cried to Michael that I needed an epidural. Within 15 minutes, the epidural was in place, and the contractions were much less intense. After another 15 minutes, I couldn't feel them. I could relax and Michael could relax! Finally some relief. By 8:30 Annabelle still wasn't progressing. I was still at 5cm. They started me on a low dose of Pit. About another hour or 2 passed. Time for another check. By this point I was worried that Annabelle, would end up being delivered via C-section. I prayed and prayed for God to turn her. He heard my prayers and when my nurse checked me I was at 9.5 cm with a lip of cervix left, and Annabelle was in position. Time to push. I had to wake Michael! He held my leg back for me, and counted to 10 for me with each push! After 40 minutes, Annabelle was out! I was sure she was a boy. Michael said she was a girl! I thought that he didn't see the baby's anatomy right! But when they laid her on my chest, I saw that she was in fact an ADORABLE little girl with tons of dark hair and wide eyes looking right at me. Michael cried, and I was so thankful that it was over and that she was here! Welcome to the world little one!

With her buddy Logan, who is just 3 months older!

Sleeping Beauty!

First Day Home!