Saturday, December 11, 2010


I have always wanted to have the character trait of humility in my life. Sadly, I often fall short. In my attempts to be humble, I am ultimately focusing on myself, trying to make myself better. Funny, that doesn't sound very humble to me at all. I think true humility is more about the state of an individual rather than the attempt of the individual. By "state" I don't mean "situation" either. Poor or rich can be humble, although the poor often seem to understand it better. By "state" I mean, the trait is part of the person, naturally! God calls us to be humble. But, it seems the more we try, the more self-focused we become. What does He mean then? How can humility be possible for anyone?

I have been reading a book with my quiet time, "It's Not about ME", by Max Lucado. Today I was reading particularly about God's Holiness. Lucado referenced Isaiah, a prophet in the old Testament, as he was encountering the Holiness of God. "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips and live among a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts." Isaiah 6:5 Lucado states that "the God-given vision is not about Isaiah but about God and his glory... he finds humility not be seeking it, but by seeking HIM." At this point I had what most call, an EPIPHANY! A revelation to my soul! Humility is not about me! It's about GOD. God is humble, perfect, holy. The only way for us to truly BE humble, is to look beyond ourselves to HIM. We will see the difference for sure, between our nature and His. But what truly makes this all work is that God "desires mercy, not sacrifice". He wants to extend mercy to us in our sinful state, while He is perfect. He does not want our attempts at perfection or humility or holiness. He knows we cannot do this on our own. The only way to BE holy, to BE perfect as He is perfect, to BE humble, is to look at Him and accept His mercy.

Once in a restaurant, I was carrying a really full glass of water to a table. I kept looking at the glass and walking ever so carefully as to not spill it, although I was spilling it little by little. A waiter told me to stop looking at the glass and to just look in the direction for whom it was intended. Amazingly, I walked much faster and was no longer spilling it at all. Forgive the cheesiness of the analogy, but when we look at God instead of constantly trying to better ourselves in our own strength, when we look in His direction, and give ourselves to Him, we naturally do better, we naturally become holy, we naturally become humble.

I hope to BE more humble this Christmas, but not by me, but by the very best Christmas gift, God, Immanuel.

2 Cor 3:18 "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Satan was beautiful,
Reflecting the Most High,
But Satan FELL in love with himself,
The beginning, his soul to die,
Satan became ugly,
Only God could see,
That Satan was, after all, deceived.

Man was beautiful,
Reflecting the Most High,
But man FELL in love with himself,
The beginning, his soul to die,
Man became ugly,
And, only God could see,
Man was, also, after all, deceived.

Another man was beautiful,
Reflecting the Most High,
Offering, in love, Himself,
Through blood, pain and cries,
Wounds, mutilated flesh,
No loveliness for the common eye,
This man was, after all, despised.

Satan rejoicing,
Satan planning,
His victory complete,
Relishing inwardly,
Thinking secretly,
Man's ultimate defeat.

But Satan roams in darkness,
His eyes always on himself,
Unable to acknowledge reality,
Where true glory dwells.

If for just a moment,
Man would lift his eyes,
To see a new light reflecting,
The glory of the Most High,
He would hear HIS soul shouting,
"Wake up, O sleeper, from the dead,
New life has been given to you
Now, be born again!"

Yes, Satan is clever,
In this way, he often leads,
But this, must be remembered,
To deceive, is, after all, to be deceived!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Momma's new hobby

Some still life shots that I've taken recently. Michael and I just bought a Cannon D60. So far, I'm really ENJOYING it!!!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Welcome Fall

I love this time of year! Thought I would upload a few pics of Miss Annabelle. She is doing wonderful - crawling all over the house, standing on her own at times, and even going up the stairs now. She's eating cheerios, and chunky baby food. Wow, this times goes by so fast. I must say that the holidays are seeming even more exciting, shall I even say, "magical", with a little one around. Her excitement just overflows into me and Michael. We are so blessed.
Happy Baby

Lil Lady "Belle"

"Best Smile" goes to...

Daddy's "love"


Sunday, October 24, 2010

To Be Free From Myself

I'm having one of those days. Feeling a little down about myself. Wondering, if I'm really OK. What I mean, is, I get these times where I feel like something is wrong with me. Something that will never be completely right. I know that to be myself is a good thing. But, sometimes I feel like I try too hard. It's always a struggle between insecurity and pride. One extreme or the other, I think. Honestly, I truly want to put others first or honor others before myself. When I am insecure, I am not doing this, because I am analyzing how others view me rather than thinking of how to bless and serve them. And, I don't have to explain how a prideful attitude does not honor ANYONE. No, I think to truly honor someone else above me, means that I am not thinking much about myself at all. This doesn't mean that I don't think much OF myself, just not ABOUT myself. I have been thinking a lot this week about a quote from C.S. Lewis, "To be free from myself for just one moment, is like a cool drink of water in a hot desert." YES! That is how I feel inside. I love those fleeting moments, when I am fully alive, enjoying others, God's creation, joy, laughter, being me without "myself" interrupting. "The Glory of God is man fully alive." Ironic that in order to be "fully alive" I must be past my own self to enjoy and glorify God.

Yes, I feel a need for a good cold drink of water right now.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Welcome Fall

Fall is one of my FAVORITE times of year. I love apple cider and pies, pumpkins, spices, chili, holiday movies by a warm fire, the crisp cool fall mornings, and hearing the sound of crunchy leaves under my feet. This time always makes me feel somewhat nostalgic of being a child. Now, that I have a child of my own, it's almost like living these memories all over again. What a blessing!

It's hard to believe how fast time flies with a baby. Annabelle is nearly 10 months! My baby, will not be a baby much longer. :( She's cut 2 teeth, eating sweet potato puffs, crawling, and pulling herself to a standing position now! She tried sweet potato fries last night! I've never seen her SO happy. Where did this time go? It seemed those first few months after she was born were an eternity! Now, I understand a little, when parents tell me to enjoy the time I have with her, as it will go by quickly. SO true.
All ready for a walk with Dad

It's Pumpkin time

My little pumkin in 2009

My Pumpkin in 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010


For the past few weeks or so, I have been a little consumed, ok maybe a lot, by the Keirsy Personality book, "Please Understand Me". The book provides a test that determines your personality type, of which are 16. So, I have taken this test MORE than a few times, as though maybe, my type might change. I have always wanted to be extroverted, fun, care free, but I know deep down, that I tend to think quite a bit about the meaning behind life, my values, spiritual things, the "bigger picture" in every situation. I can be very sensitive, ugggg... I wish that trait would just go away, and easily offended. Sometimes, I can go so deep in thought that I am oblivious to life around me. I tend to keep what is really important to me inside or I write it down. I can have such high ideals, that sometimes, I can be critical of myself and others when they are not "lived out". When I really look at myself, I am, after all this soul searching, a true blue INFP.

The INFP personality is called the, "Dreamer". This personality is very idealistic about life, with a complex thought life that few know of, because of the "introverted" function. We are driven by our "gut instinct" or intuition, the N function, and our feelings tend to control our actions and how we "do life". We dream about the way life "should be", and will follow, strongly after these ideals. This is me! It really is. I have learned to be social over the years, and some might even think extroverted at times. But this is definitely a learned behaviour. I was very shy when I was young, and very withdrawn. I have definitely struggled with emotional outbursts, and am constantly making decisions based on feeling. Good and bad, I have learned. Thank goodness, Michael's personality makes decision based on logic. We are a good pair. Here's a little more info on the INFP:

"INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life."
- Portrait of an INFP (The Personality Page)

"An INFP's feelings form the foundations of the individual. They are sacred and binding, in the sense that their emergence requires no further justification. An INFP's feelings are often guarded, kept safe from attack and ridicule. Only a few, close confidants are permitted entrance into this domain."
- INFP Profile (INFP Mailing List)

"creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings..."
- INFP Jung Type Descriptions (

No wonder I have ALWAYS been disorganized!!!! hahaha... This explains so much. Ok, seriously, it really does. I am starting to see that being me, is ok. So, I might not be the "life of the party", or the best conversationalist, or the "take charge" leader. I am learning that this is ok. I don't have to make myself something I'm not. I don't have to be embarrassed that I love studying personalities, or that my personality is the same as "Anne of Green Gables" (go figure). God has made me the way that I am for a reason. I'm thankful. But poor Annabelle, I've already tried to figure her personality out! hahaha... I think I'll just let her be a baby for now! ;)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Returning the Gesture

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

I remember learning these verses long ago. I learned them in Awana, when I was a little girl. Yet it seems only lately that they have really come alive to me; God speaking to my heart; waking up my soul. I have always wondered about God, my existence, the creation around me, how we all came to be since I was very young. I remember going into my bathroom around 7 years old and asking Jesus to come into my heart. Not sure why I chose the bathroom; I guess with numerous brothers and sisters, it was the only place I could be alone. I knew Jesus was God, and I wanted to be with Him some day. I knew, even from a young age, the chasm that existed between GOD and me. This is not necessarily a bad thing. For, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". However, it seemed over the years, that I continued to carry a mentality of "hanging onto my salvation by a thread". I was always trying to prove to myself that I was saved. Always comparing myself to other believers around me. The "why" as to my mindset is not that important. What is important, is that God speaks truth into the hearts of those who seek Him.

When I was in my early 20s I went through some extreme anxiety for about 7 months. My parents had divorced, broken engagement with my "then fiance", and broken relationships with our family's home church. I knew I had been living for myself. I knew that I was completely controlled by my emotions. I felt unsure of my salvation, because everything around me that I had been "sure" about, crumbled to pieces. I wanted to be sure I was saved. I have heard that living in sin, makes you overly aware of its presence. I think it is then easy to focus more on NOT sinning than on God. I would read my Bible over and over again to prove to myself and God that I was serious. I wanted to turn my life around. But the anxiety continued. Until one night. I had a dream that I was questioning my salvation again. I decided to read my bible, the only thing I could think of to do to show that my faith was real. I was in my bedroom, and Jesus walked in and stood by the door. He spoke 3 times to me, "I love you". Each time I heard these words, the anxiety lessened and to the point that it left me. I awoke the next morning with a lightened heart. The anxiety was gone. It never returned. God was starting to show me something then that is making even more sense now.

The last few years, I have really been learning more and more about God's grace. Have you ever received a gift from someone out of the blue. At first, you might feel the effects of love brought on by that other person's thoughtfulness. But maybe, after a while, you might start to feel like you have to return the gesture. This could be good or bad. If, out of love for that person, you desire to do something for them, it is good. You do it purely to make them happy. "Pay it forward"! But, I think, more often than not, we return the gesture, because we feel like we have to. People have done this with me, and when I thanked them, I would hear something like,"Don't worry about it, I owe you." When we return the gesture this way, it is bad, because it is not motivated out of love but by pride. We, in a sense, are trying to pay for the gift given to us and make "us" happy or feel better. I think this happens SO much in Christianity. God gave us a gift, and we know it's an AMAZING, wonderful gift, that we can't possibly return. At first we are overwhelmed and desire to LOVE Him. As He sanctifies us, we see change in our lives. Another gift from Him. But over time, we might start to feel like we "owe Him". Especially so, if we aren't feeling as much love towards Him as we initially did making us feel pretty "crappy" about ourselves. I think this explains my struggles. I have tried to pay Him back. I have tried to examine every area of my life, and perfect myself and make myself acceptable to Him. Dress this way, speak that way, don't do this, don't watch that, eat this, don't eat that, associate with her, not him, go to this kind of church, or stay away from anyone who's convictions might be a little different from mine. "I'm trying to 'Please God here', so if you are in my way, I will get you out of it." Sounds crazy when I read this aloud. But it's true. I can understand a little how people have tried to "self mutilate" in order to "suffer" for Christ. Satan has a way of taking truth and distorting it. Loving God turns into a selfish, self produced way to get to Him, making it all about us and totally legalistic. Don't stray from the path, and don't let anyone around you do so either. No wonder Christians are having a hard time sharing God's "free" gift. Doesn't sound so free after all. It's sounds more like we have become solicitors for Christ instead of ambassadors. We give you this really great product, and just when it seems to good to be true, we ever so "gently" give the catch.

In spite of all of this, I believe that God is teaching me something more about Him. It's not about how much He desires Holiness (and He does), but, it's more about His love for me. Pastor James MacDonald said once in a sermon, that we begin to follow Christ out of fear. We begin to see who He is and who we are not. But by faith, we follow Him and taste to see that He is good! In the beginning of our relationship with Him, our "acts of righteousness" are motivated out of fear. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. But we don't stay there! As we see that He is good, we fall in love with Him. He teaches us all about love by extending grace to us over and over again. Grace that covers even our misunderstandings of Him. And then, we begin to act rightly because we love and trust Him. This is relationship. Perhaps returning the gesture? But not for salvation. It is love for love and God teaches us this over and over again as we, by faith, walk with Him and taste to see that He is SO very good. This is what I am learning in my life right now. I have tasted, and He has been so faithful. Can you see now how Ephesians 2:8-9 have deeper meaning for me? I am saved and only because of Jesus. I am free to LIVE and love, and be myself. I don't have to mold myself into what I think is a cookie cutter christian. I can be me. In part I know this, because God blessed me with such a wonderful husband, who over these past 2 years of marriage has loved me just the way that I am. So, if God blessed me with Michael, wouldn't it make sense that His love is a million times greater? He is after all the creator of all things. And wouldn't He also love me as I am? I have never felt more freedom than this summer. Makes me want to share it with others! Makes me want to love God, my father, friend, and most of all, my Savior!

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Homan Summer

It has been quite some time since I have updated my blog. Summers seem to be our busy time. Our business is booming during these months as kids are off school and activities are booked all week long. Now we start to slow down, which affords us the time to enjoy as a family. Annabelle is doing wonderful. We've had a few good trips around Colorado with her, and we even camped out one night! That was interesting. Let's just say that I don't know who was more scared at night, Annabelle or Momma. hehehe... Poor Michael, every time the wind blew he got a jab in his
ribs and me asking, "What was THAT?". But the morning view made it all SO worth it.

View from our camp site.

Setting up camp.

Happy Campers!

Camp Site

Daddy and his girl

We also were able to get up to Lake Dillon a few weeks ago. I can't believe we are surrounded by so much beauty where we live.

Family time!

Lake Dillon

Gondola ride up Breck

Annabelle is now 8 months old! I can't believe how fast this time has gone. She is more of a Momma's girl right now. I am really enjoying this. She looks for me when I leave the room. She will even scoot after me. Technically she is not crawling, but she can get herself where she needs to go. My heart just melts when I see her coming after me. Can you love someone so much!?! Here are a few cute summer photos of her:

I can sit up all by myself now!

Lovin bath time.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Little Love

Lot's to write about, but not so much time to do it. Annabelle is doing great! She is weighing about 12.5lbs! She is all smiles and sweetness. She has had some big accomplishments in the past week. For starters, our "Little Love" rolled over for the first time this past Saturday! I put her down for tummy time, and went to clean her jammies that she got a little messy. ;) As I was in the laundry room treating the spots, I noticed that I didn't hear her normal fussiness during tummy time. I went into the living room to check on her, and she was laying on her side. I was thinking, "She's gonna roll over!". Sure enough, she was soon on her back and then soon in Mommy's arms as I was squealing in delight! She was so excited that I was so excited, but I don't think she even knew what she did. It's so amazing to be apart of her growing and learning. Makes all the hours of doing to same things over and over seem like there is something going on that I don't see. Good job Annaboo!

I also went back to work yesterday. I will only be working one day each week, but the thought of Annabelle not being with Mommy for 14 hours made my stomach turn. I cried the night before, but was actually fine while I was at work. BTW, talk about being thrown back into the swing of things. I had a patient with an emergency situation at 8am. He had a heart attack! There I was calling the rescue assessment team in the hospital, thinking "seriously, this is my first day back!". But everything came back to me. It's amazing what the mind is capable of under pressure. It was nice to get some brain stimulation and use my critical thinking skills. It was also nice at then end of the day knowing that I won't be back again until next week! :) Annabelle, did great yesterday with Daddy. She took all of her bottles, took two three hour naps and went grocery shopping with Daddy. Michael did a great job. I almost felt a little jealous that Annabelle had such a great day with her Pappa. I mean, wasn't she supposed to be fussy and wondering where her Momma was? Oh, well. I'm glad it was a good day for all of us.

Here are a few pics. We had high hopes of getting some cute pics of our sweetie in her Easter dress, but she "exploded" in it, before we could get some good shots. :( Thankfully we were able to clearn her dress and are hoping for some family pics here in the near future. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Bath time and such...

Some new pics! Yay, just what we all want. My little "love" is letting Momma get some more photos of her. She is a photogenic baby! hahaha... Before I post pics, I'll give the updates. Well, it's finally here! Annabelle is sleeping through the night!!!! Last night she slept from 11p to 7a! That is, count em, EIGHT hours! How lovely! Mommy likey! We have started doing tummy time, which she is not particularly love. She does best laying on my belly. We are up to 3-4 minutes without crying! She actually smiles and coos at me in the beginning. Annabelle is holding her head up really well. She sits on my lap, and I hold just her hands. She keeps her head up and looks around all by herself! Good girl. She also has discovered her hands and sucks on them all the time. AND, we have a drooling queen who blows bubbles! Cute baby.

I'm doing pretty well. Annabelle and I went to our first MOPS group today. It is a Christian women's group hosted by my church for mothers of preschoolers. It was nice to meet some other Mommas, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. I'm gearing up for returning to work one day a week. I'm actually looking forward to this! I mean, I will miss her so much, but it will be nice to stimulate my brain a little with some adults... ha... baby diapers to adult diapers. I do really miss my co-workers. We went and visited them at the hospital last week, and that was fun. Daddy will take such good care of Annabelle while I'm at work. Last night he took her out for a few hours to give me a break! What a good hubby!

Here are the pics!

Starting to enjoy bath time!

Not so much AFTER bath time. :(

Cute baby!

Looking more and more like Daddy!

Monday, March 8, 2010

2 Months!

Annabelle had her 2 month check-up today! She is doing fabulous, and making Momma so proud. Here are her current stats:

Weight: 10lbs 3oz
Height: 22.5"

The little peanut is growing out of her newborn clothes. I can't believe it. She is changing so much. She smiles all the time and coos. She has the cutest girly coos I've ever heard, and gets so excited when I repeat her coos back to her. Her sleeping/eating schedule is going really well. She is eating about every 3 hours during the day and sleeping anywhere from 5-7 hours at night. Mommy LOVES this. We put her down around 11, and she usually sleeps until 5. No fussing or crying at night when we put her down. Such a good baby. She is also now sleeping in her crib at night. This is going pretty well, although she has had a few mornings when she has been up earlier than normal to eat.

We went to a birthday party this week, and she was such a good girl. No crying! She sat on my lap with wide eyes taking in all the action. She loves to be around people. I'm feeling more and more comfortable taking her out of the house. I also started letting her go to the nursery during church. So funny, I felt like I was taking her to school for the first time. It was hard for me not to think about her during the entire service her first time. But she was a good girl.

I'm doing pretty well. Aside from needing a little more sleep here and there, everything is going so well. I LOVE being a mother. I have so much love in my heart for my little girl that I never thought was possible. I mean, how else can a person get so excited about a coo or spending hours trying to steal a smile from their little baby. I think she is the most beautiful, lovely baby ever! Breastfeeding is going well. I have been pumping and getting a good supply built up for when I go back to work one day a week. Annabelle takes a bottle or two a day and does beautifully. Daddy has been great with her, and I know will do a great job with her on days I go to work.

Well, I think that's it for now. Sorry, no pictures this week. But I will post some more again soon.

Monday, February 22, 2010

A few moments...

I have a few moments before my pumpkin gets up from her nap and Daddy gets home. I will hopefully be able to update better next week after her 2 month check-up! But, here are some pics; that's the best part anyway. Oh, I am going to post some of Annabelle the day she was born as well. That way we can see how much she has changed.

With Momma for the first time!

My Birthday!

5lbs 14oz

I still love to cry...

But now I smile!!! I'm over 8 pounds!

Friday, February 5, 2010

By Request!

Ok, so I've already had several comments from the fam about new pics. I finally have an entire hour to sit in front of the computer and update my blog! Michael has been making calls and working hard Monday through Friday all day at this computer in his office. So, it's rare that he's not using it AND that Annabelle is napping at the same time! SO nice. :) So let's get some updates going here.

Updates on Momma

I'm doing great! I had my 6 week post-partum check up this week, and everything is where it should be... uterus is back in place, sutures "down there" are gone, and "down there" is all better! The only things not quite in place are "the girlies" upstairs! Ha! I feel like an old woman some times, they are beyond big and heavy. Uggg.... but they are working and giving Miss Annabelle her meals! I've been able to get back into my running. I started a little earlier than recommended, but I couldn't help it. Even a half hour outside in the morning gives me the energy to get through the day! I was so excited today to get a 5 mile run in and I felt great afterwards. One thing that is nice about Daddy working from home is that Mommy can get away for an hour here and there to work out! I'm BLESSED! And, I am really starting to love being a Mommy to my sweet heart. It was rough the first month, but the last two weeks have been better. We are into a routine and I am learning to be more patient. My favorites times with her are the mornings! She is alert and contented! So sweet!

Updates on Daddy

Michael is now working two jobs. Before he started X-Treme Challenge, he sold and ran career fairs out of Chicago. He is now doing this again part time in the Denver area, Phoenix and Salt Lake City areas. He sells and runs one fair a month, so he will do a little traveling, but not much. He is working HARD! But mostly he is at home with us which is nice. He will only be doing this during the winter months, and then focus on X-treme Challenge during the summer since that is when they are most busy. We have been praying about me staying home with Annabelle, so this is a nice supplement for my income. I will still work one day a week to keep up with my skills, but I like to think of myself as a "stay-at-home" Mom! What a good provider we have in our family!

Updates on Annabelle

The little peanut is now over 8lbs! She will be 6 weeks on Sunday! Time flies! I think most of her weight is in height. She is long but looks tiny still. Her clothes are baggy on the sides, but short on her arms and legs. She now tracks with her eyes, and turns her head to follow Mommy. AND, she knows her Momma. This is the best feeling in the world. For instance, the other night we put her down for a nap during our dinner time. I put her in her room and, of course, as soon as the first bite of food goes into my mouth, I hear crying. Not whimpering, full blown screaming. I tried to wait for a couple of minutes, but could not stand it. Upstairs I went, and into her room. She was still screaming, I picked her up, and she was instantly sleeping! I couldn't believe it. I took her downstairs and she was out! hahahaha But, she loves Momma! So amazing! She is sleeping pretty well at night. I usually put her down around 11pm and the last two nights I've had to wake her up to eat around 3:30am. She is then up again around 7am. YAY! I feel like nights are getting more normal now.

So, here is what everyone really wants to see - Miss Annabelle!