Grace

Over the last few weeks, I have felt a battle between giving and taking. Motherhood is all about giving, and, well, let's face it, our human nature is all about taking. I have never realized this more until recently. I must admit, that I have had my share of frustrating moments since parenthood has begun. It usually hits me most at 10:30 at night. It's this overwhelming feeling, that I will never again have a full night's rest or be able to come and go as I please, that my home will always be baby land, and what about those great date nights with my hubby? I feel so horrible for feeling this way, that I don't even like to speak of it. I mean, I love my little sweetie. When I begin to feel overwhelmed, I am reminded once again that life is NOT all about me. Hmmm... the Holy Spirit even works in the middle of the night. But the real revelation came to me today!

Lately, I have found it to be a challenge to spend any quiet time with God. I have felt ashamed about this. He seems so far and unattainable to my selfish ways, and I unknowingly cast aside that uneasy feeling of guilt by hiding my face from Him. So, today I made a choice to get some time reading the word. A verse JUMPED out to me, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Heb 15, 16. This really struck me for a few reasons. First, I have always assumed that even though God came to us in the form of Jesus, and died for us, that it wasn't hard for Him to do so, because He was God. And, since doing the smallest right thing seems like such a challenge for me, how can I relate to Him? But according to this verse, he sympathizes with our weaknesses, because He was tempted in EVERY way. Tempted just like I am. And when He had to do the right thing, it wasn't always easy, but He DID the right thing. He understands our weaknesses! I never understood fully the challenge of being a mother until I became one. He became human and therefore understands, has compassion, and sympathizes with us! Second, I don't have to have any more shame about struggling to do the right thing. Jesus, who understands us, extends mercy (not getting what I do deserve) and grace (getting what I don't deserve) in our time of need - which is when we desire to what is right and live lives that are Holy.

God desires for us to live a lives that are pleasing to Him. Christ's sacrifice does not warrant me to do whatever I want. But, He lives, so that I can live! He intercedes for me, because He understands me! He paid for my sins, so I can choose to do what is right, even though I fail at times. I know that I can keep coming back to Him again and again for mercy and grace without shame but in confidence. I cannot be a perfect mother to Annabelle, but through Christ, I can love her like He loves her and learn to sacrifice myself for another person. That is what Jesus did for us, and it is what I want to learn more and more about.

So, my little Annabelle, I am so glad we named your middle name GRACE! We cannot live without it. What a wonderful Creator we have! He is my Father and your Father. I am not perfect, but Jesus chose me to love you and give myself for you! What a privilege!