Saturday, December 11, 2010
Humility
I have been reading a book with my quiet time, "It's Not about ME", by Max Lucado. Today I was reading particularly about God's Holiness. Lucado referenced Isaiah, a prophet in the old Testament, as he was encountering the Holiness of God. "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips and live among a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts." Isaiah 6:5 Lucado states that "the God-given vision is not about Isaiah but about God and his glory... he finds humility not be seeking it, but by seeking HIM." At this point I had what most call, an EPIPHANY! A revelation to my soul! Humility is not about me! It's about GOD. God is humble, perfect, holy. The only way for us to truly BE humble, is to look beyond ourselves to HIM. We will see the difference for sure, between our nature and His. But what truly makes this all work is that God "desires mercy, not sacrifice". He wants to extend mercy to us in our sinful state, while He is perfect. He does not want our attempts at perfection or humility or holiness. He knows we cannot do this on our own. The only way to BE holy, to BE perfect as He is perfect, to BE humble, is to look at Him and accept His mercy.
Once in a restaurant, I was carrying a really full glass of water to a table. I kept looking at the glass and walking ever so carefully as to not spill it, although I was spilling it little by little. A waiter told me to stop looking at the glass and to just look in the direction for whom it was intended. Amazingly, I walked much faster and was no longer spilling it at all. Forgive the cheesiness of the analogy, but when we look at God instead of constantly trying to better ourselves in our own strength, when we look in His direction, and give ourselves to Him, we naturally do better, we naturally become holy, we naturally become humble.
I hope to BE more humble this Christmas, but not by me, but by the very best Christmas gift, God, Immanuel.
2 Cor 3:18 "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Deceived
Reflecting the Most High,
But Satan FELL in love with himself,
The beginning, his soul to die,
Satan became ugly,
Only God could see,
That Satan was, after all, deceived.
Man was beautiful,
Reflecting the Most High,
But man FELL in love with himself,
The beginning, his soul to die,
Man became ugly,
And, only God could see,
Man was, also, after all, deceived.
Another man was beautiful,
Reflecting the Most High,
Offering, in love, Himself,
Through blood, pain and cries,
Wounds, mutilated flesh,
No loveliness for the common eye,
This man was, after all, despised.
Satan rejoicing,
Satan planning,
His victory complete,
Relishing inwardly,
Thinking secretly,
Man's ultimate defeat.
But Satan roams in darkness,
His eyes always on himself,
Unable to acknowledge reality,
Where true glory dwells.
If for just a moment,
Man would lift his eyes,
To see a new light reflecting,
The glory of the Most High,
He would hear HIS soul shouting,
"Wake up, O sleeper, from the dead,
New life has been given to you
Now, be born again!"
Yes, Satan is clever,
In this way, he often leads,
But this, must be remembered,
To deceive, is, after all, to be deceived!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Momma's new hobby
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Welcome Fall
Lil Lady "Belle"
"Best Smile" goes to...
Daddy's "love"
Adorable
Sunday, October 24, 2010
To Be Free From Myself
Yes, I feel a need for a good cold drink of water right now.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Welcome Fall
It's hard to believe how fast time flies with a baby. Annabelle is nearly 10 months! My baby, will not be a baby much longer. :( She's cut 2 teeth, eating sweet potato puffs, crawling, and pulling herself to a standing position now! She tried sweet potato fries last night! I've never seen her SO happy. Where did this time go? It seemed those first few months after she was born were an eternity! Now, I understand a little, when parents tell me to enjoy the time I have with her, as it will go by quickly. SO true.
It's Pumpkin time
My little pumkin in 2009
My Pumpkin in 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
INFP
The INFP personality is called the, "Dreamer". This personality is very idealistic about life, with a complex thought life that few know of, because of the "introverted" function. We are driven by our "gut instinct" or intuition, the N function, and our feelings tend to control our actions and how we "do life". We dream about the way life "should be", and will follow, strongly after these ideals. This is me! It really is. I have learned to be social over the years, and some might even think extroverted at times. But this is definitely a learned behaviour. I was very shy when I was young, and very withdrawn. I have definitely struggled with emotional outbursts, and am constantly making decisions based on feeling. Good and bad, I have learned. Thank goodness, Michael's personality makes decision based on logic. We are a good pair. Here's a little more info on the INFP:
"INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life."
- Portrait of an INFP (The Personality Page)
"An INFP's feelings form the foundations of the individual. They are sacred and binding, in the sense that their emergence requires no further justification. An INFP's feelings are often guarded, kept safe from attack and ridicule. Only a few, close confidants are permitted entrance into this domain."
- INFP Profile (INFP Mailing List)
"creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings..."
- INFP Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)
No wonder I have ALWAYS been disorganized!!!! hahaha... This explains so much. Ok, seriously, it really does. I am starting to see that being me, is ok. So, I might not be the "life of the party", or the best conversationalist, or the "take charge" leader. I am learning that this is ok. I don't have to make myself something I'm not. I don't have to be embarrassed that I love studying personalities, or that my personality is the same as "Anne of Green Gables" (go figure). God has made me the way that I am for a reason. I'm thankful. But poor Annabelle, I've already tried to figure her personality out! hahaha... I think I'll just let her be a baby for now! ;)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Returning the Gesture
I remember learning these verses long ago. I learned them in Awana, when I was a little girl. Yet it seems only lately that they have really come alive to me; God speaking to my heart; waking up my soul. I have always wondered about God, my existence, the creation around me, how we all came to be since I was very young. I remember going into my bathroom around 7 years old and asking Jesus to come into my heart. Not sure why I chose the bathroom; I guess with numerous brothers and sisters, it was the only place I could be alone. I knew Jesus was God, and I wanted to be with Him some day. I knew, even from a young age, the chasm that existed between GOD and me. This is not necessarily a bad thing. For, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". However, it seemed over the years, that I continued to carry a mentality of "hanging onto my salvation by a thread". I was always trying to prove to myself that I was saved. Always comparing myself to other believers around me. The "why" as to my mindset is not that important. What is important, is that God speaks truth into the hearts of those who seek Him.
When I was in my early 20s I went through some extreme anxiety for about 7 months. My parents had divorced, broken engagement with my "then fiance", and broken relationships with our family's home church. I knew I had been living for myself. I knew that I was completely controlled by my emotions. I felt unsure of my salvation, because everything around me that I had been "sure" about, crumbled to pieces. I wanted to be sure I was saved. I have heard that living in sin, makes you overly aware of its presence. I think it is then easy to focus more on NOT sinning than on God. I would read my Bible over and over again to prove to myself and God that I was serious. I wanted to turn my life around. But the anxiety continued. Until one night. I had a dream that I was questioning my salvation again. I decided to read my bible, the only thing I could think of to do to show that my faith was real. I was in my bedroom, and Jesus walked in and stood by the door. He spoke 3 times to me, "I love you". Each time I heard these words, the anxiety lessened and to the point that it left me. I awoke the next morning with a lightened heart. The anxiety was gone. It never returned. God was starting to show me something then that is making even more sense now.
The last few years, I have really been learning more and more about God's grace. Have you ever received a gift from someone out of the blue. At first, you might feel the effects of love brought on by that other person's thoughtfulness. But maybe, after a while, you might start to feel like you have to return the gesture. This could be good or bad. If, out of love for that person, you desire to do something for them, it is good. You do it purely to make them happy. "Pay it forward"! But, I think, more often than not, we return the gesture, because we feel like we have to. People have done this with me, and when I thanked them, I would hear something like,"Don't worry about it, I owe you." When we return the gesture this way, it is bad, because it is not motivated out of love but by pride. We, in a sense, are trying to pay for the gift given to us and make "us" happy or feel better. I think this happens SO much in Christianity. God gave us a gift, and we know it's an AMAZING, wonderful gift, that we can't possibly return. At first we are overwhelmed and desire to LOVE Him. As He sanctifies us, we see change in our lives. Another gift from Him. But over time, we might start to feel like we "owe Him". Especially so, if we aren't feeling as much love towards Him as we initially did making us feel pretty "crappy" about ourselves. I think this explains my struggles. I have tried to pay Him back. I have tried to examine every area of my life, and perfect myself and make myself acceptable to Him. Dress this way, speak that way, don't do this, don't watch that, eat this, don't eat that, associate with her, not him, go to this kind of church, or stay away from anyone who's convictions might be a little different from mine. "I'm trying to 'Please God here', so if you are in my way, I will get you out of it." Sounds crazy when I read this aloud. But it's true. I can understand a little how people have tried to "self mutilate" in order to "suffer" for Christ. Satan has a way of taking truth and distorting it. Loving God turns into a selfish, self produced way to get to Him, making it all about us and totally legalistic. Don't stray from the path, and don't let anyone around you do so either. No wonder Christians are having a hard time sharing God's "free" gift. Doesn't sound so free after all. It's sounds more like we have become solicitors for Christ instead of ambassadors. We give you this really great product, and just when it seems to good to be true, we ever so "gently" give the catch.
In spite of all of this, I believe that God is teaching me something more about Him. It's not about how much He desires Holiness (and He does), but, it's more about His love for me. Pastor James MacDonald said once in a sermon, that we begin to follow Christ out of fear. We begin to see who He is and who we are not. But by faith, we follow Him and taste to see that He is good! In the beginning of our relationship with Him, our "acts of righteousness" are motivated out of fear. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. But we don't stay there! As we see that He is good, we fall in love with Him. He teaches us all about love by extending grace to us over and over again. Grace that covers even our misunderstandings of Him. And then, we begin to act rightly because we love and trust Him. This is relationship. Perhaps returning the gesture? But not for salvation. It is love for love and God teaches us this over and over again as we, by faith, walk with Him and taste to see that He is SO very good. This is what I am learning in my life right now. I have tasted, and He has been so faithful. Can you see now how Ephesians 2:8-9 have deeper meaning for me? I am saved and only because of Jesus. I am free to LIVE and love, and be myself. I don't have to mold myself into what I think is a cookie cutter christian. I can be me. In part I know this, because God blessed me with such a wonderful husband, who over these past 2 years of marriage has loved me just the way that I am. So, if God blessed me with Michael, wouldn't it make sense that His love is a million times greater? He is after all the creator of all things. And wouldn't He also love me as I am? I have never felt more freedom than this summer. Makes me want to share it with others! Makes me want to love God, my father, friend, and most of all, my Savior!
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Homan Summer
View from our camp site.
Daddy and his girl
We also were able to get up to Lake Dillon a few weeks ago. I can't believe we are surrounded by so much beauty where we live.
Family time!
Lake Dillon
Gondola ride up Breck
Annabelle is now 8 months old! I can't believe how fast this time has gone. She is more of a Momma's girl right now. I am really enjoying this. She looks for me when I leave the room. She will even scoot after me. Technically she is not crawling, but she can get herself where she needs to go. My heart just melts when I see her coming after me. Can you love someone so much!?! Here are a few cute summer photos of her:
I can sit up all by myself now!
Lovin bath time.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Little Love
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Bath time and such...
Starting to enjoy bath time!
Not so much AFTER bath time. :(
Cute baby!
Looking more and more like Daddy!
Monday, March 8, 2010
2 Months!
Weight: 10lbs 3oz
Height: 22.5"
The little peanut is growing out of her newborn clothes. I can't believe it. She is changing so much. She smiles all the time and coos. She has the cutest girly coos I've ever heard, and gets so excited when I repeat her coos back to her. Her sleeping/eating schedule is going really well. She is eating about every 3 hours during the day and sleeping anywhere from 5-7 hours at night. Mommy LOVES this. We put her down around 11, and she usually sleeps until 5. No fussing or crying at night when we put her down. Such a good baby. She is also now sleeping in her crib at night. This is going pretty well, although she has had a few mornings when she has been up earlier than normal to eat.
We went to a birthday party this week, and she was such a good girl. No crying! She sat on my lap with wide eyes taking in all the action. She loves to be around people. I'm feeling more and more comfortable taking her out of the house. I also started letting her go to the nursery during church. So funny, I felt like I was taking her to school for the first time. It was hard for me not to think about her during the entire service her first time. But she was a good girl.
I'm doing pretty well. Aside from needing a little more sleep here and there, everything is going so well. I LOVE being a mother. I have so much love in my heart for my little girl that I never thought was possible. I mean, how else can a person get so excited about a coo or spending hours trying to steal a smile from their little baby. I think she is the most beautiful, lovely baby ever! Breastfeeding is going well. I have been pumping and getting a good supply built up for when I go back to work one day a week. Annabelle takes a bottle or two a day and does beautifully. Daddy has been great with her, and I know will do a great job with her on days I go to work.
Well, I think that's it for now. Sorry, no pictures this week. But I will post some more again soon.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A few moments...
My Birthday!
5lbs 14oz
I still love to cry...
But now I smile!!! I'm over 8 pounds!